Depression ...

I seem to be fighting depression more and more frequently in the last week or so. I'm not sure what causes it, I'm even less sure how to *fix* it. I know I'm tired and frustrated with the pain ... the constant and nagging pain. I'm frustrated with the slowness of the recovery.

I'm not someone who sleeps on her back and it's getting to where I dread going to bed because if I do try either side ... it works for about 2 minutes ... then I have to give up and return to my back.

My right knee won't bend enough. I have to push til I'm in tears or in fear of throwing up from the pain. Every day I attempt to force it here at home and I give up when it gets to the tears phase. I don't seem strong enough ... motivated enough ... whatever ... to work past that and I'm sure that's what inhibits my recovery.

We're going to Oregon in 5 days and at best I can sit at my desk or in the truck for about 30 minutes without having to get up and straighten my knees again. I was hoping to be able to sit in comfort in the truck ... but it looks now like I'll spend the trip in the trailer so we can cover more miles.

Maybe I just needed to write/vent about this ... maybe it will help somehow. All I know is I'm totally drained and tired of tears ... so very very tired of them.