Time flies!!

When you're having fun, right? I can't believe it's been so long since I remembered to update this. Real life has just been so darn busy. :D

Christmas came and went in a flash of light it seems. We had our last family get together the middle of January with our "rent-a-daughter" and her family near Santa Rosa. Talk about a zoo! Howard and I took our trailer, Lesley and Bryce took theirs, and we had Doug, Tara, Elliot, Charlie, Emily, and Mikaela with us. Add that to Blaine and Joe with their four Peter, Brie, Jordan and Tessa and you have a real life zoo. Kids running everywhere, parents trying to keep track, oldies like Howard and I trying to keep up and block out some of the noise and confusion. (Pretty much 100% impossible though. lol)

Now that spring is here and the weather is finally turning nice, I've found that the new knees have opened doors that have been firmly shut to me for years and years. I'm outside almost every day mowing grass, raking leaves, playing with the horses, taking turns around the back pasture in my Rhino to run some of the energy out of our "puppy". Yesterday she (Willow the 120 pound *cough* puppy) decided that two laps around the back pasture deserved a side trip into the water trough. Apparently it's warm enough that she can only run for about 5 minutes without needing to take a dip. I'm seriously going to have to get a camera out and take her picture when she does that. She leaps in and then just sinks down til only her nose and eyes are out and there she lays, in all her glory. :)

Lesley and Bryce (our youngest daughter and hubby) are finding out what it's like to have a houseful of their own. About a month ago they had two sisters placed with them. The older one is 4, younger one is 16 months old. About the time they were settling in with those two, the little girl they had last summer was brought back into the system and they got the call to see if they would take her again also. /faint !! So now they have a 16 month old, a 2½ yr old and a 4 yr old. Poor Bryce is surrounded by females! (Even their dog is female hahaha) Lesley is finding it a challenge sometimes to get out of the house in a timely manner and has said more than once "Mom, I don't know how you did it!". I think it's a bit easier to deal with when you don't get three all at once. As hard as it was for me when they were all little ... at least I had a few months in between to learn how to cope.

Last weekend we took the trailers to the sand dunes just north of Winnemucca, Nevada and had an absolute ball with the ATV's. I just love my Rhino and now that Bryce has added the back seat, gramma races all over the hills with the grandkids. The funniest part of the weekend was the baby falling asleep in the back seat, not just once but twice. Bouncing around all over the sand dunes ... all the noise of the different engines and she just zonked out. Lesley said she wished that happened in the truck as easily. hahaha

Time for bed, but I plan to try keeping this more current again! lol

Things you find when looking for something else!

I'm a packrat. I'm not sure when exactly it started, but it's for sure gotten worse as I get older. I've seen shows on Oprah and Dr. Phil recently about "hoarders" and quite honestly, I'm not sure what the difference is between that and being a packrat ... but it's for sure I'm probably both. hahaha

Anyway, I was looking through the stack of small notebooks I've kept for the last about 10 yrs and actually came across my first attempt at a blog. I didn't even remember starting this one. I'll probably try to combine it with this one but until that day, here's a link with several of my dolls.
http://www.angelfire.com/blog/cassiopea/

I've rediscovered the joy of doll making and will try to keep updates with my finished projects. I might even try to do an "in progress" as I attempt to learn the art of reborning. Here's a link that explains what it means to create a reborn doll. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reborn_doll I have two kits sitting in my craft room, waiting for me to get brave enough to dive in and learn this new skill. I'll still be working with porcelain dolls but these vinyl dolls really appeal to me also.

But, the start of this post was about being a pack rat and in order to start this new direction in creativity ... I must excavate my craft room yet again. Seems that it's still in a shambles from all the card making and sewing I did before my knee surgery. Which translates into the fact that every surface is about 2' deep in the left overs from summer time. lol I should make that my first "in progress" project, with pictures and everything. Maybe I'll start that tomorrow.

In the mean time, before I fall into bed, here's a few more pictures of our Oregon trip in October. These were on Lesley's camera so it took a while to remember to get them from her. :)

Here's the four of us out at the ocean. I've never in my life seen so much sand. I think the dunes there are about 7 miles long and at least a mile wide. It was incredible!

Here's dare devil me leaping hills like I knew what I was doing. At the time it felt like I was flying through the air ... lol ... it's sort of a let down to see I was barely leaving the ground. :)

Here's a great picture of Howard with his toy. He's a lot braver than I am ... which also got him in a few spots he had to have help getting out of. Seems he liked falling into deep spots. lol

Christmas is coming?

Rumor has it that Christmas is on the way ... and our family has made the move from store bought gifts to those needing more thought and creativity ... ie, hand made or home baked. I have a ton of sewing projects slated for all the grand kids and kids, etc ... and yet I've spent the last week in a frantic rush to finish a doll.

This is a doll I started probably well over a year ago and just never stuck around long enough to finish. It's hard to progress when you go to class for 2-3 weeks in a row then drop out of sight for 6+ months. The mystery to me is why there was such a driving need to finish her, when there's so many other things that need to get done. (Like excavating my craft room from the last crafting blitz, which was prior to August and the knee surgery. lol)

This last week I spent 2-3 days just shopping for the *right* shoes for her. Thursday I spent the day fighting with her body. I'd gotten the pattern but no instructions and I figured I could wing it ... I just didn't realize how truly frustrating it would be. However, all obstacles overcome, aside from missing eye lashes, she is done. And here's her photo.

Epiphany ...

By definition, an epiphany is a sudden, intuitive perception of, or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I know we all have them as we travel this path to a newer version of who we always *thought* we were ... last Friday I had a new one. It's been a while since I've had one of those aha moments that weight loss can cause for us. Some of my first ones were fitting into a booth in a restaurant, having my wedding ring fall off, being able to sit in a chair with arms for the first time in YEARS ... but none had the "oh my God" impact that my most recent one had.

Because of the weight loss, I was able to have both knees replaced. While I'm glad I don't have to go back to have the 2nd one done, I can't honestly say I'm at the point where I would recommend anyone do both at once. I had them done August 25th and it's been a frustrating journey to recovery. However ... last Friday at physical therapy, my darling tormentor (otherwise known as my physical therapist lol)led me out of his office, around the corner and pointed to the staircase.

Now as I'm sure most of you can agree ... prior to weight loss the majority of us probably looked at stairs like they were Mt. Everest and something to be avoided at ALL costs ... So, when he pointed to them and said "Get going" ... my first reaction was to laugh and say yeah right. But he was serious, and since he's done amazing things for me so far, I decided to humor him and give them a try.

I made it to the 2nd floor.

I amazed myself.

I made him very happy.

But it wasn't until I was driving home that it dawned on me ... when we got to the top and stood there looking out the window at the scenery ... my knees were complaining ... but I wasn't out of breath. I wasn't sweating like I'd just run a marathon ... I was calmly standing there enjoying the view. The tears started and I almost had to pull over to the side of the road.

What a monumental, mind boggling epiphany!! I wasn't even breathing hard. I struggle weekly it seems with who this new person is. Having had bypass surgery April of '07 and two new knees this year ... there are days when I don't feel like I have a clue who I am anymore because of all the changes.

But last Friday the one thing I did know was ... I'm damned glad I was brave enough to take the step towards that new person. For any of you that are wavering on the edge of "Is this the right choice for me?" ... I would tell you it's the only choice. It's the most important choice you can make ... to give yourself the gift of health and freedom.

Oregon was a blast!

Oregon was such a blast! We had beautiful weather the whole week. I think it rained during the night on Tuesday but by Wednesday mid-morning it was back to sunny. It was pretty cold and a couple of days there was some wind ... but all in all it was gorgeous.

We left Saturday morning and drove as far as Roseburg and stayed in a Walmart parking lot. Our first time doing that, but it was a very quiet location. Only thing that woke me up was the street sweeper cleaning the parking lot. Sunday morning we got up and after a quick trip into Walmart (we found out last summer going to Colorado it's not possible to pass a Walmart without needing something. hahaha) we were back on the road to Florence. Arrived there about noon and found our spots with no trouble at all.

Here's what our campsite looked like after unloading.


Lesley and Bryce were on our right, just out of the picture. Bryce's sister Kim and her family (husband Roger and their three kids Emily, Lee, and Lizzie) arrived about an hour or so after us and as soon as they were unloaded we hit the sand for the first time. Lesley went with me in the Rhino and ended up doing most of the driving that first day. We made it out to the ocean and raced up and down the beach on the wet smooth sand. Sadly, while we were out there Emily's quad decided to cough and die so Roger went back to camp for a tow strap and we used the Rhino to tow her back to camp. It was still a wonderful first day!

The whole group went out for one more ride Monday morning before Kim and Roger left for home. I stayed in camp and Bryce took Emily for the ride of her life in the Rhino ... sounds like he gave her a few thrills. lol

The rest of the week was filled with riding and eating. There's nothing like the great outdoors for sparking appetites and between the crock pot and Bryce's dutch oven we were dining like royalty!

Howard and I went out one day by ourselves and I learned a valuable lesson. When your husband says go fast ... you should think twice!! The first video shows what happens when you follow directions ... you get airborn! I'm pretty sure the people back home heard the scream as I felt the Rhino leave the ground. To me, it seemed as if I were FLYING!! When I look at this video it makes me laugh because I think I was all of maybe a foot off the ground. Sure didn't seem like it at the time. hahaha




This next video is me just trying to get over my fear of rolling down a hill sideways. There were several steep hills that served as my testing ground for going up, feeling the Rhino start to bog down, and making a U turn to come back down again. It's the sliding sideways down a hill that still un-nerves me. There were a couple where I didn't even have the chance to make the turn and I had to put it in reverse and back down. That's not a lot of fun either.



We left Florence on Friday, mid-morning and headed for Lapine where Kim and Roger live. They have a really beautiful piece of land with a very small house that's an octegon. The three kids share a bedroom with a triple decker bunk bed and Kim and Roger have the other bedroom. One bathroom ... brought back my growing up years on Keeney Way with only one bathroom. Not sure how we did it. I don't think any of the houses we've lived in since Alturas have only had one bathroom ... makes you very spoiled, I think.

Saturday night was Emily's homecoming and she was a trooper about having all of us there to give advice, tell stories, and listen to Roger try to talk her out of actually going on this "first date". I think the funniest part was when he changed shirts right before they went down the road to the boyfriend's house for pictures. lol Kim seemed the only one outraged at his "Trailer trash" shirt ... Emily thought it was funny and Kim just kept telling him, "You are NOT wearing that!!". In the end he put a sweatshirt over it. :)

That night we capped off a week of wonderful food with one last "over the top" meal. Roasted hotdogs over the fire, then dipped them in a cornmeal batter and fried them in up in one of the dutch ovens we had hanging over the fire. Kim made a pumpkin dessert in her dutch oven that was out of this world! We sat up around the campfire telling stories and laughing ... and fell into bed about 10pm. Pretty late for Howard and I ... we'd been going to bed most of the week by about 8:30 ... but it was a wonderful night!

Sunday morning we packed up again and hit the road for home. It was a REALLY long day and it's about the only time the whole trip where my knees were completely cranky with me. I'm not sure if it was the combination of the end of an extraordinary week, or the thought of having to leave all the fun and go home again ... but we got to Marysville (about 30 min from home) and my body was done. Thank goodness we were that close to home!

All in all it was just a super vacation and we're already planning a trip to Sand Mountain for the weekend before Thanksgiving!! Can you say "Got sand??"

Ready to go? Well mmmm almost. lol

We're headed up to the sand dunes along the Oregon coast with the two trailers and our 4 toys and tonight my brain has melted into a puddle of goo trying to figure out if everything is done. My body is telling me that I seem to have forgotten it's semi-fragile recovering status and so most of everything from the shoulders down is speaking to me in rather LOUD rebukes which translate to making me walk/shuffle about like I did right out of the hospital.

So tomorrow I'm under orders from the boss man to do nothing, just give him directions and let him take care of the last little bits. I'm not sure why that doesn't totally fill me with confidence ... but it doesn't. lol Last time I left things for him to do I ended up at Disneyland with only the clothes I was wearing. Everything else was back at home in the hangup bag he'd convinced me to put my clothes in. *grin*

Anyway ... I'm drugged and headed off to bed to hopefully sleep soundly for at least 5 hours tonight. We're both like little kids on Christmas Eve ... can't wait to get up and go play in the sand!

Have a great week and I'll be back around the 20th. :)

Depression ...

I seem to be fighting depression more and more frequently in the last week or so. I'm not sure what causes it, I'm even less sure how to *fix* it. I know I'm tired and frustrated with the pain ... the constant and nagging pain. I'm frustrated with the slowness of the recovery.

I'm not someone who sleeps on her back and it's getting to where I dread going to bed because if I do try either side ... it works for about 2 minutes ... then I have to give up and return to my back.

My right knee won't bend enough. I have to push til I'm in tears or in fear of throwing up from the pain. Every day I attempt to force it here at home and I give up when it gets to the tears phase. I don't seem strong enough ... motivated enough ... whatever ... to work past that and I'm sure that's what inhibits my recovery.

We're going to Oregon in 5 days and at best I can sit at my desk or in the truck for about 30 minutes without having to get up and straighten my knees again. I was hoping to be able to sit in comfort in the truck ... but it looks now like I'll spend the trip in the trailer so we can cover more miles.

Maybe I just needed to write/vent about this ... maybe it will help somehow. All I know is I'm totally drained and tired of tears ... so very very tired of them.