By definition, an epiphany is a sudden, intuitive perception of, or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
I know we all have them as we travel this path to a newer version of who we always *thought* we were ... last Friday I had a new one. It's been a while since I've had one of those aha moments that weight loss can cause for us. Some of my first ones were fitting into a booth in a restaurant, having my wedding ring fall off, being able to sit in a chair with arms for the first time in YEARS ... but none had the "oh my God" impact that my most recent one had.
Because of the weight loss, I was able to have both knees replaced. While I'm glad I don't have to go back to have the 2nd one done, I can't honestly say I'm at the point where I would recommend anyone do both at once. I had them done August 25th and it's been a frustrating journey to recovery. However ... last Friday at physical therapy, my darling tormentor (otherwise known as my physical therapist lol)led me out of his office, around the corner and pointed to the staircase.
Now as I'm sure most of you can agree ... prior to weight loss the majority of us probably looked at stairs like they were Mt. Everest and something to be avoided at ALL costs ... So, when he pointed to them and said "Get going" ... my first reaction was to laugh and say yeah right. But he was serious, and since he's done amazing things for me so far, I decided to humor him and give them a try.
I made it to the 2nd floor.
I amazed myself.
I made him very happy.
But it wasn't until I was driving home that it dawned on me ... when we got to the top and stood there looking out the window at the scenery ... my knees were complaining ... but I wasn't out of breath. I wasn't sweating like I'd just run a marathon ... I was calmly standing there enjoying the view. The tears started and I almost had to pull over to the side of the road.
What a monumental, mind boggling epiphany!! I wasn't even breathing hard. I struggle weekly it seems with who this new person is. Having had bypass surgery April of '07 and two new knees this year ... there are days when I don't feel like I have a clue who I am anymore because of all the changes.
But last Friday the one thing I did know was ... I'm damned glad I was brave enough to take the step towards that new person. For any of you that are wavering on the edge of "Is this the right choice for me?" ... I would tell you it's the only choice. It's the most important choice you can make ... to give yourself the gift of health and freedom.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Oregon was a blast!
Oregon was such a blast! We had beautiful weather the whole week. I think it rained during the night on Tuesday but by Wednesday mid-morning it was back to sunny. It was pretty cold and a couple of days there was some wind ... but all in all it was gorgeous.
We left Saturday morning and drove as far as Roseburg and stayed in a Walmart parking lot. Our first time doing that, but it was a very quiet location. Only thing that woke me up was the street sweeper cleaning the parking lot. Sunday morning we got up and after a quick trip into Walmart (we found out last summer going to Colorado it's not possible to pass a Walmart without needing something. hahaha) we were back on the road to Florence. Arrived there about noon and found our spots with no trouble at all.
Here's what our campsite looked like after unloading.
Lesley and Bryce were on our right, just out of the picture. Bryce's sister Kim and her family (husband Roger and their three kids Emily, Lee, and Lizzie) arrived about an hour or so after us and as soon as they were unloaded we hit the sand for the first time. Lesley went with me in the Rhino and ended up doing most of the driving that first day. We made it out to the ocean and raced up and down the beach on the wet smooth sand. Sadly, while we were out there Emily's quad decided to cough and die so Roger went back to camp for a tow strap and we used the Rhino to tow her back to camp. It was still a wonderful first day!
The whole group went out for one more ride Monday morning before Kim and Roger left for home. I stayed in camp and Bryce took Emily for the ride of her life in the Rhino ... sounds like he gave her a few thrills. lol
The rest of the week was filled with riding and eating. There's nothing like the great outdoors for sparking appetites and between the crock pot and Bryce's dutch oven we were dining like royalty!
Howard and I went out one day by ourselves and I learned a valuable lesson. When your husband says go fast ... you should think twice!! The first video shows what happens when you follow directions ... you get airborn! I'm pretty sure the people back home heard the scream as I felt the Rhino leave the ground. To me, it seemed as if I were FLYING!! When I look at this video it makes me laugh because I think I was all of maybe a foot off the ground. Sure didn't seem like it at the time. hahaha
This next video is me just trying to get over my fear of rolling down a hill sideways. There were several steep hills that served as my testing ground for going up, feeling the Rhino start to bog down, and making a U turn to come back down again. It's the sliding sideways down a hill that still un-nerves me. There were a couple where I didn't even have the chance to make the turn and I had to put it in reverse and back down. That's not a lot of fun either.
We left Florence on Friday, mid-morning and headed for Lapine where Kim and Roger live. They have a really beautiful piece of land with a very small house that's an octegon. The three kids share a bedroom with a triple decker bunk bed and Kim and Roger have the other bedroom. One bathroom ... brought back my growing up years on Keeney Way with only one bathroom. Not sure how we did it. I don't think any of the houses we've lived in since Alturas have only had one bathroom ... makes you very spoiled, I think.
Saturday night was Emily's homecoming and she was a trooper about having all of us there to give advice, tell stories, and listen to Roger try to talk her out of actually going on this "first date". I think the funniest part was when he changed shirts right before they went down the road to the boyfriend's house for pictures. lol Kim seemed the only one outraged at his "Trailer trash" shirt ... Emily thought it was funny and Kim just kept telling him, "You are NOT wearing that!!". In the end he put a sweatshirt over it. :)
That night we capped off a week of wonderful food with one last "over the top" meal. Roasted hotdogs over the fire, then dipped them in a cornmeal batter and fried them in up in one of the dutch ovens we had hanging over the fire. Kim made a pumpkin dessert in her dutch oven that was out of this world! We sat up around the campfire telling stories and laughing ... and fell into bed about 10pm. Pretty late for Howard and I ... we'd been going to bed most of the week by about 8:30 ... but it was a wonderful night!
Sunday morning we packed up again and hit the road for home. It was a REALLY long day and it's about the only time the whole trip where my knees were completely cranky with me. I'm not sure if it was the combination of the end of an extraordinary week, or the thought of having to leave all the fun and go home again ... but we got to Marysville (about 30 min from home) and my body was done. Thank goodness we were that close to home!
All in all it was just a super vacation and we're already planning a trip to Sand Mountain for the weekend before Thanksgiving!! Can you say "Got sand??"
We left Saturday morning and drove as far as Roseburg and stayed in a Walmart parking lot. Our first time doing that, but it was a very quiet location. Only thing that woke me up was the street sweeper cleaning the parking lot. Sunday morning we got up and after a quick trip into Walmart (we found out last summer going to Colorado it's not possible to pass a Walmart without needing something. hahaha) we were back on the road to Florence. Arrived there about noon and found our spots with no trouble at all.
Here's what our campsite looked like after unloading.
Lesley and Bryce were on our right, just out of the picture. Bryce's sister Kim and her family (husband Roger and their three kids Emily, Lee, and Lizzie) arrived about an hour or so after us and as soon as they were unloaded we hit the sand for the first time. Lesley went with me in the Rhino and ended up doing most of the driving that first day. We made it out to the ocean and raced up and down the beach on the wet smooth sand. Sadly, while we were out there Emily's quad decided to cough and die so Roger went back to camp for a tow strap and we used the Rhino to tow her back to camp. It was still a wonderful first day!
The whole group went out for one more ride Monday morning before Kim and Roger left for home. I stayed in camp and Bryce took Emily for the ride of her life in the Rhino ... sounds like he gave her a few thrills. lol
The rest of the week was filled with riding and eating. There's nothing like the great outdoors for sparking appetites and between the crock pot and Bryce's dutch oven we were dining like royalty!
Howard and I went out one day by ourselves and I learned a valuable lesson. When your husband says go fast ... you should think twice!! The first video shows what happens when you follow directions ... you get airborn! I'm pretty sure the people back home heard the scream as I felt the Rhino leave the ground. To me, it seemed as if I were FLYING!! When I look at this video it makes me laugh because I think I was all of maybe a foot off the ground. Sure didn't seem like it at the time. hahaha
This next video is me just trying to get over my fear of rolling down a hill sideways. There were several steep hills that served as my testing ground for going up, feeling the Rhino start to bog down, and making a U turn to come back down again. It's the sliding sideways down a hill that still un-nerves me. There were a couple where I didn't even have the chance to make the turn and I had to put it in reverse and back down. That's not a lot of fun either.
We left Florence on Friday, mid-morning and headed for Lapine where Kim and Roger live. They have a really beautiful piece of land with a very small house that's an octegon. The three kids share a bedroom with a triple decker bunk bed and Kim and Roger have the other bedroom. One bathroom ... brought back my growing up years on Keeney Way with only one bathroom. Not sure how we did it. I don't think any of the houses we've lived in since Alturas have only had one bathroom ... makes you very spoiled, I think.
Saturday night was Emily's homecoming and she was a trooper about having all of us there to give advice, tell stories, and listen to Roger try to talk her out of actually going on this "first date". I think the funniest part was when he changed shirts right before they went down the road to the boyfriend's house for pictures. lol Kim seemed the only one outraged at his "Trailer trash" shirt ... Emily thought it was funny and Kim just kept telling him, "You are NOT wearing that!!". In the end he put a sweatshirt over it. :)
That night we capped off a week of wonderful food with one last "over the top" meal. Roasted hotdogs over the fire, then dipped them in a cornmeal batter and fried them in up in one of the dutch ovens we had hanging over the fire. Kim made a pumpkin dessert in her dutch oven that was out of this world! We sat up around the campfire telling stories and laughing ... and fell into bed about 10pm. Pretty late for Howard and I ... we'd been going to bed most of the week by about 8:30 ... but it was a wonderful night!
Sunday morning we packed up again and hit the road for home. It was a REALLY long day and it's about the only time the whole trip where my knees were completely cranky with me. I'm not sure if it was the combination of the end of an extraordinary week, or the thought of having to leave all the fun and go home again ... but we got to Marysville (about 30 min from home) and my body was done. Thank goodness we were that close to home!
All in all it was just a super vacation and we're already planning a trip to Sand Mountain for the weekend before Thanksgiving!! Can you say "Got sand??"
Friday, October 10, 2008
Ready to go? Well mmmm almost. lol
We're headed up to the sand dunes along the Oregon coast with the two trailers and our 4 toys and tonight my brain has melted into a puddle of goo trying to figure out if everything is done. My body is telling me that I seem to have forgotten it's semi-fragile recovering status and so most of everything from the shoulders down is speaking to me in rather LOUD rebukes which translate to making me walk/shuffle about like I did right out of the hospital.
So tomorrow I'm under orders from the boss man to do nothing, just give him directions and let him take care of the last little bits. I'm not sure why that doesn't totally fill me with confidence ... but it doesn't. lol Last time I left things for him to do I ended up at Disneyland with only the clothes I was wearing. Everything else was back at home in the hangup bag he'd convinced me to put my clothes in. *grin*
Anyway ... I'm drugged and headed off to bed to hopefully sleep soundly for at least 5 hours tonight. We're both like little kids on Christmas Eve ... can't wait to get up and go play in the sand!
Have a great week and I'll be back around the 20th. :)
So tomorrow I'm under orders from the boss man to do nothing, just give him directions and let him take care of the last little bits. I'm not sure why that doesn't totally fill me with confidence ... but it doesn't. lol Last time I left things for him to do I ended up at Disneyland with only the clothes I was wearing. Everything else was back at home in the hangup bag he'd convinced me to put my clothes in. *grin*
Anyway ... I'm drugged and headed off to bed to hopefully sleep soundly for at least 5 hours tonight. We're both like little kids on Christmas Eve ... can't wait to get up and go play in the sand!
Have a great week and I'll be back around the 20th. :)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Depression ...
I seem to be fighting depression more and more frequently in the last week or so. I'm not sure what causes it, I'm even less sure how to *fix* it. I know I'm tired and frustrated with the pain ... the constant and nagging pain. I'm frustrated with the slowness of the recovery.
I'm not someone who sleeps on her back and it's getting to where I dread going to bed because if I do try either side ... it works for about 2 minutes ... then I have to give up and return to my back.
My right knee won't bend enough. I have to push til I'm in tears or in fear of throwing up from the pain. Every day I attempt to force it here at home and I give up when it gets to the tears phase. I don't seem strong enough ... motivated enough ... whatever ... to work past that and I'm sure that's what inhibits my recovery.
We're going to Oregon in 5 days and at best I can sit at my desk or in the truck for about 30 minutes without having to get up and straighten my knees again. I was hoping to be able to sit in comfort in the truck ... but it looks now like I'll spend the trip in the trailer so we can cover more miles.
Maybe I just needed to write/vent about this ... maybe it will help somehow. All I know is I'm totally drained and tired of tears ... so very very tired of them.
I'm not someone who sleeps on her back and it's getting to where I dread going to bed because if I do try either side ... it works for about 2 minutes ... then I have to give up and return to my back.
My right knee won't bend enough. I have to push til I'm in tears or in fear of throwing up from the pain. Every day I attempt to force it here at home and I give up when it gets to the tears phase. I don't seem strong enough ... motivated enough ... whatever ... to work past that and I'm sure that's what inhibits my recovery.
We're going to Oregon in 5 days and at best I can sit at my desk or in the truck for about 30 minutes without having to get up and straighten my knees again. I was hoping to be able to sit in comfort in the truck ... but it looks now like I'll spend the trip in the trailer so we can cover more miles.
Maybe I just needed to write/vent about this ... maybe it will help somehow. All I know is I'm totally drained and tired of tears ... so very very tired of them.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Six weeks post op
LOL !!! Never post when you're drunk or drugged!!! I decided to leave that last one just for comedic relief. Now on to the topic at hand.
Wednesday was my 6 wk post op with Dr. Klug about my knees and the appt. went really great. I didn't realize he was concerned with how the incisions themselves would heal, but he was extremely pleased with their status. He also was happy to see via the xrays that there was little or no scar tissue forming.
A concern both he and my physical therapist share is the slowness/lack of progress I seem to be making in the range of motion, without pain ... area. I'm up to 95 degrees with my left knee and 90 with my right ... but it's still only with breath robbing pain that I can get those numbers.
So Dr. Klug said there's a procedure he can do when we get back from Oregon that requires an over night in the hospital and he'll knock me out ... then manipulate my knees (ie force them to bend past the point my pain allows) to stretch out the muscles so that I can get better results myself, without so much pain.
While I'm not hot to go back to the hospital ... the idea of having him help my muscles without all the agony is tempting. So he gave me the next 4 wks to work on it myself and if I can't work past the pain he'll help out.
I'm working on changing the words I use ... today at therapy Ryan asked if it hurt ... I said it hurts so bad and he corrected me with "no, it hurt so good!!". So I'm going to try changing that, and that should help me change my outlook. Give me more strength and fortitude to push past the pain and not give up like I do now.
It's the weekend and I hope everyone has a great one!
Wednesday was my 6 wk post op with Dr. Klug about my knees and the appt. went really great. I didn't realize he was concerned with how the incisions themselves would heal, but he was extremely pleased with their status. He also was happy to see via the xrays that there was little or no scar tissue forming.
A concern both he and my physical therapist share is the slowness/lack of progress I seem to be making in the range of motion, without pain ... area. I'm up to 95 degrees with my left knee and 90 with my right ... but it's still only with breath robbing pain that I can get those numbers.
So Dr. Klug said there's a procedure he can do when we get back from Oregon that requires an over night in the hospital and he'll knock me out ... then manipulate my knees (ie force them to bend past the point my pain allows) to stretch out the muscles so that I can get better results myself, without so much pain.
While I'm not hot to go back to the hospital ... the idea of having him help my muscles without all the agony is tempting. So he gave me the next 4 wks to work on it myself and if I can't work past the pain he'll help out.
I'm working on changing the words I use ... today at therapy Ryan asked if it hurt ... I said it hurts so bad and he corrected me with "no, it hurt so good!!". So I'm going to try changing that, and that should help me change my outlook. Give me more strength and fortitude to push past the pain and not give up like I do now.
It's the weekend and I hope everyone has a great one!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Can we say WEEEEEE to drugs?
It has taken me 29 minutes to log into this thing becaues I took my drugs frist. I had to type the account name 5 times and the password at least 15 tijms and all the time i'km gtting juts a little hazier and hazier ...
BUT!! The good news is the doc says i'm doing an awesome job and the scars temselves have healed way way better than he expected them to ... the bend is where we're having issues ... i need to bend tehm so that is what i have to workk really reall yhard to get ready for oregon and the sand dunes!!
Alas it's timefor me to go fall into bed.toorrownight will be a new sleep numberbed and i acn't wait for it to be here!!
TTFN my lovelies!! <3
BUT!! The good news is the doc says i'm doing an awesome job and the scars temselves have healed way way better than he expected them to ... the bend is where we're having issues ... i need to bend tehm so that is what i have to workk really reall yhard to get ready for oregon and the sand dunes!!
Alas it's timefor me to go fall into bed.toorrownight will be a new sleep numberbed and i acn't wait for it to be here!!
TTFN my lovelies!! <3
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Rhino's fancy paint job!
This was on our trip to Cisco Grove the weekend right before my surgery. We played out in the woods Thursday - Sunday ... came home ... parked the trailer and went to bed. Got up Monday morning and headed to the hospital!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
